We're made of Brush strokes

sometimes i wonder why relations get complicated.
is it cuz of the differences in thought, our personlalities,
the hardwired beliefs we're rooted to,
or is it because of the person we are all individually made of.
how many people can we connect with in our life.
and how many of those do we choose to cherish.

Every person is undeniably made of good an bad.
the conflict of God an his Villian is IN us.
do we fear the God and accept the qualities that are conventionally classified as morally just,
or do we fear and repel the shades of darkness that people have come to hate.
bottom line is we all have our pros an cons. each an everyone.
the efforts we put in to be Aware of who we really are,
the operating system we run on, bugs, crashes and Inborn boot errors.
To feel complete.
we have no answers.
we live in fear of mistakes and Karma.
we seek acknowledgement and acceptance.
To ourselves and the ones we're connected to.
These brush strokes make us. Our traits.
they make everyone around us, whom we adorn with privilege of Love and giving.
as and by the Color of a person shifts a shade from Bright to Dark.

Life's an intricate painting, and it always is in the whole frame.
neither in the beautiful highlights of bright pros,
nor the emphasizin, shaded, dark, cons.
In a kids crayon scrawl, or da vinci.
In the end its us who define wut we are to Others
and who others are to Us.
the beauty and essence of a person
lies in the whole Picture.

Livin the Split

Everyday
Every moment.
we wake to the new
the unknown,
no matter wut we know.
wut we do.
it neither follows the Vector of Effort
nor preceeds the Expected.
Space.

Its like pushin your ability
in that jump to reach the ledge.
you Fly.
reach an Try.
so close you touch.
but ...
where does your mind take you.
that you came so close.
or that you missed.
Split.

life's always a Choice.
it dont matter wut happened or the next.
the Choice is still for us to make.

In This Emptiness

Life seems distant now
wut hapnd, i wonder how
everyday in seconds i Live
with nuthin left in me to give
what remains o me
dont know, cant see
this pain, this misery hurts much
cant explain. cant take.
how do i endure such.
my thots echo in the hollows
excrutiating wrench that follows
feeling the numb i sink
in every split o the blink

where art thou i ask
to find you behind the mask
But, yer here within me
this i close my eyes to see
in this emptiness.

Love thee..

To be in thy embrace of care
when i feel weak
to feel thy support
wen i hold thee
to forget Pain forever
cuz i know thou cure
to forget the burden
cuz thee wud share
to move ahead an better
in thine motivation
not know wut need is
for ye complete me
to learn life and its meaning
in thine guidance
to forget myself
for thee know me
to Love a lifetime.
with thee, Beloved,
I'm in Love..

image courtesy : Mikej. thank you.

The Architect

I've walked through many a city. the tattered jacket i wear tells me. i carry no guns but a box with pencils and measuring tools. I've been runnin from present and the future. a Nomad. My job was to help people build shelters with resources they could afford. safe houses. thats what they called them. Safe from the Hell.. the burning earth herself.

There have been so many. so many an incident covered in Ash and destruction. the forces were against us survivors. Darwin wud be proud. the humans were considered the most successful beings in Evolution. survival of the fittest. I am jus a facilitator. Just an Architect.

My M.O. was simple and fast. Get a trench underground or a leftout sewage core or a dam and fortify with lead and steel lined mortar. provide Air and water recycling systems and Storage. For this i'd be given food and place to stay till my work was done. wen i am done. I'd be gone.

So much they speak abt the forces and wut they've done to us all. They were a nightmare of a story to listen to. There were very few who've seen the wrath and survived. and they Spoke of it as Hell chasing their life.

This time. I've been working inside an abandoned Mine. it was trecherous to get the generators runnin. we went old skool and took the concepts of the Oldest trains. Used coal to power up. these folk have been helpful by the smallest deed and involvement. It was their only hope. Everyday I worked my life out. It was not easy. We were in the Gut of a Hill. Being an Architect I had studied civilizations and cult work. The Free Masons, their concept was to make a way in and to make another way out. Prevention of cave in scenarios. Heck Even Pyramids have them. feels like an Irony. Everythin had a Glory to it. and we, are barely Alive.

The Safe House is almost done. and i cant wipe out this vibe off my head. it was a Dead End. somethin abt this place meant forever. like it was my destination. And this time, i know the time has come. My Intuition has been tingling like the spider sense. I regroup the pack, have every morsel and drop, of food and water, possible seeds for plantations saved. routine. Let them speak of Love for eachother. and the night spent in Joy, music and a few drinks. we share affection of workin together.

It was Close to dawn. I see children snuggled close in deep sleep, their innocence glowing warm. Everyone had this sense of being safe. For all the nightmares of Stories that were spoken of seeing Hell. I knew it was My time. I Leave the place, securing every hatch, every door. a long walk out scoping out the random vents, i reach out. it was cold. and it was close to the hilltop. i drag my boots up there and light a smoke. looking in the horizon to watch the sunrise. the sky starts to glow.

Thats when i See. a Ray. a trajectory burnin its way through the sky. When it hit the ground. it was like a quake. I take a deep drag and smile. the fire ball across glows the deepest red an turns into a mushroom cloud. from here i see every tree and inch o land burn. and i see it tear thru everythin between. the Hell. which i wud see .. this Nuke..



I jus wake up..

Feed Some Cute Fishies =)

I've always found a school o Fish to be most playful..
so much so watchin them play wud make me forget the issues bothering me.
Feng-shui places them o high regard as in takin away the negative energies even.

Anyway. after quite some contemplation, i've decided to pimp this blog a bit.
an if ya'll comin here to spend a few mins to read these posts.
plz , Do feed my fish.

you'll find dem upon scrollin down to the bottom of this page ..
have Fun.

the Happiness in Giving

A busy day ended by noon, I checked my watch and eased my mind about the weekend ahead. I thot about the li'l coffy shop that refreshed my after work mood with its divine aroma. Having time to spare, it was an obvious pullover. There was Caffeinated Joy in the air. I made my pick and turned to walk out with wut i knew was killer cappuccino.

A woman was tryin to shuffle between her shopping bags loaded hands to open the door. And instinctively I offered. As i reached to twist the knob. Somethin stopped. I guess it was time. it was a face I didnt wanna see, not atleast through the glass of the door. I wudnt forget. In that split second I spent in confusion and contemplating a scorn. She smiled. That familiar cheer written over her face. Speechless, I opened the door. In the Conversation which I kept simple she made me hold the shoppin bags and picked a coffy. the gifts and big shopping implied she played Santa Claus as always to orphan kids. that was her. a coffy, a smile and all heart.

Next thing I know I was helping her lug out of the car. There was quite a gathering of people. A few camps set seperately kids were being given necessities from Lunch, books, even blankets. She walked me through the camps and i met the guys who had volunteered. a person walked up to me and greeted me. The khadi kurta and nonchalant serenity to his persona gave him a fatherly appearance. Over the small tour i took along with him. I saw, how she was playin wid the kids, so much happiness in giving to them. She caught me admiring her an replied with a modest smile. I felt like a programmed robot with my life, work, and the digital watch. For God's sake I spent time checkin pulse and counting seconds. I envied her freedom to break the normalcy an the mundane.

She offers to walk me back to the car. She talks abt me. Much of the conversation was in her questions and smiles and my silence. She knows me in and out. Still. Like she took out of my silence, answers. I feel transparent. She ruffles my hair, just like she used to.. it was how she took care of me through. a thousand thots come to my mind. i felt how she shielded me from everythin. like my own predicaments. I felt the comfort of bein with someone who I knew wud care and took happiness in selfless Giving.

As we came closer to the car. she stopped said 'I missed you' ..
Even after my choices, the past, the time gone, even in my silence now. She could say that.. I didnt have an answer.
Just my silence.


wen i opened my eyes...


[img courtesy: Hermeti. with thanx]

I See You ..

i see you..
takin those small steps
in the room yours
closed doors an windows open.

i see you smile to yourself
in your space..
lookin into the world
you call your own..

moments pass..
an the smile fades..
the charm and beauty drawn
an so is the radiance.
i feel the past touch your eyes
an rollin down in tears..
you pull yourself back
conceal.
feel.

i see love in your eyes..
deeper than depth
submerged so much
you wudnt want it to show.
your brows draw closer
p'haps, reasons get louder.
time alternates in your eyes
in our moments memorable..
an the ones spent in pain


My Love i see you.

i feel every breath of you
drawn deep in wutz left.
the agony trapped.
the improbability o my faith
i see your fingers entwine
for the impending day ..
i see your feet tap
in restless of the today left.
every emotion distinct.
i see you..

i feel the cold on my fingers
from the touch of glass
i see you..

on the other side.
of this One way mirror.

In every shade dark
of wut i see from here
i see myself.
for i see myself in the darkness
that i left in you.
we may be on the sides
of the one way mirror, my Love.
but i see you ..
an more so wut i've been to you.

my every day is you
so is my thot.
everymoment with you
you dont know.. do you.

i feel this. i know.
wut keeps far, you an me.
i do.
a fabric o seperation it might be.
but its given me an opportunity
to learn an better myself
without a reflection dark..
that i have to see over you.

My Love will be blessed
as i know is my faith..

cuz, My Love.
i see you..
together wid me..
for the rest o my life thru..

Arrivederci My Love

I'm Out of thoughts to think
I'm Out of thinz to do..
Thru this Pain so Excrutiating.
I cant Fight for You

I've Loved You all my Heart
I've always stood my part..
in the worst of the times..
in this Lonely struggle..
you tore my Heart apart

In Booze i find my Zen
I wudnt want you involved in
Thru these moments and ties weak
I ask you to find wut you seek
to find your smile i want you to
cuz its with me no more..
But remember our moments sweet
of You this, i Implore.
Arrivederci. My Love.

Turn me Mortal..

For all the fascination i've seen
for the passion that i've felt within
its not jus the taste of blood
but the passion that i feel for Red

it ignites all that in me called Rage
trapped inside this flesh a cage
i seek the neck, to my teeth i feel
cold and a mimic of the silken steel

need of the moment in me
the animal inside i want you to see
for this is a moment split
you shud run before you're bit

the Lips so scarlet, they shiver
mane of your hair flow like a River
the eyes so piercing, at me they stare
the face of an angel, not a hint of scare
oh woman trust me you must not
for a moster inside i am
your skin so pure
an heart o gold
of this i am so sure
my curse you will unfold

set me free
an i promise thee
a life of a mortal will i spend
in your arms
and in your Love
my sin and deed so dire i shall end

Love me
my Angel ..
for my Blood so cold
an heart so dead
of Life and Love
... i need to be told

Its you,i want to be my Start
from you i'd die bein apart
its you who wud, my life, Define
its you .. i want to be Mine

Kiss me and make me a mortal
rid me of this inner beast..
give my body a soul, a key
Livin this Life i'd consider eternity
for i Love thee.
My Woman.
its jus you..
..who Makes me Human.

Eternal..

In simplicity of Want.
for the want of Livin..
in Living this life an standing up to it..
and Standing up to Love.

from wut means my name
to a person outdated i became
yet, wut i care is abt you
beyond time, this..
is wut I'll always do.

My Love was neither abt sayings great
nor steered by the choices made
I believe in my efforts to turn fate
this, my stance, wud never fade.

Whatever Life my Dream Shows
never be touched by remorse
for not seein dem happen.
an Utopia of hope, Lived and built.
now a broken dream..
.. of helplessness an Guilt.

Neither can i drown in booze
nor bein high can i numb my pain
my deed is not for me to choose
to give you all i can.
.. in wut has of me remain


My Love,
is not in minutes,hours or time bent
but in the moments spent
aint in the passing seasons four
but in to beyond from before
not in the females lookin so fine
but in the heart o woman who is mine
the distance that makes us far or close
the memories few, i live in those
i can be only so much. so much i can take
the nightmare I've been to you
from that i wud never awake.